Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
