I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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