guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
