its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
