before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
