you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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