Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
