yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
