so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
