mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
