I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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