Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
