The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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