you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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