just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
