I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
