There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
