Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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