he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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