Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
