He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
