Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
