dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone owes me an orgasm
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
