Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
