I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
