NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
