I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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