i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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