she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
