walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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