dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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