Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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