Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
