We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
