his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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