That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
