Michael Bay diarrhea
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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