I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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