im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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