meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
