i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
