I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
