Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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