We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
