all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
