I can tuck mytits in my pants
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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