Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Everything about him screamed your future.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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