were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
