also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
