she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
