if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
