I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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