Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
